I just can’t today.

My heart is in a million pieces.

Our love was a treasure that strengthened our hearts and we lovingly dreamt of our forever together.

Now, I can’t hold your hand or snuggle against your chest. There will be no old and gray – rocking with you in our rocking chairs one day.

Kisses upon your closed eyes are now but a beloved memory, the last of their kind.

I honestly don’t know how in the world I will move forward. I know I must try, but nothing will ever be the same.

It’s left a void too big to not fall into; the loss of you.

I see you in everything. I hear you in the quiet and wonder if it’s really you or just my mind playing tricks on me.

Everything that I once had tremendous drive to accomplish, has fallen to the wayside of life, giving no allure at all.

My broken pieces, here they are. They are because of love.

What a gift we gave each other. The gift of true love.

You held me, I held you. You wanted me, I want you still.

The lump in my throat swells as the tears fall. Our used to be rhythms of life together don’t exist at all.

I am completely broken, but I feel like I am breaking still. Let the tears come, let them fall. I don’t fear them or feel the need to stifle them. I welcome them with open arms and a clean hanky in hand. I refuse to mask this pain. I must let it out, again and again.

The ebb and flow of emotion is a constant roller coaster without predictable progression. At times, I am stuck amidst the numb with a brain that can’t think through the fog. Soon, that is followed by an overflow of tears that have no limits to how long they fall. Other times, I am angry to be left in this life without you by my side. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. It doesn’t seem fair. It doesn’t feel right. I really hate that you aren’t here.

I will look. I will try. I will seek. But for now, I will allow my broken pieces to fall to the ground. I will let all the broken parts of me grieve. One day, I know that the love of God will put me back together again. I don’t know how, but I know He will do it.

I’ve loved you.

I love you still.

I forever will.